We’ve all heard the phrases “work-life balance” and “having it all” ad nauseam, but what we don’t hear are the unfiltered, unpretty truth from those in the trenches — what trying to create a balanced life actually looks and feels like.

So we asked professional women — CEOs, lawyers, divorced women, single moms, those who are childfree by choice — to share what they were surprised to learn about the notorious pursuit of “having it all.” Here’s what they said.