Break ups are never easy, but truly messy ones can definitely take a huge emotional toll on you.  Normally, I see two extremes in my divorce cases:  either people choose to retreat while processing their feelings of shame, guilt, and fear, or they remain angry for some time and focus on getting even.  Let me suggest to you that neither extreme is healthy. Everyone should take some time to process what led to the demise of a significant relationship, and no one should just give up all their rights to avoid conflict.  But the goal should always be to exit gracefully and recover as quickly as possible, without dwelling on all the negativity.  Easier said than done, I know, but this heartfelt advice comes from personal experience and not a bunch of textbooks. Years ago, following a difficult split I took a long break from dating.  I retreated way beyond what many felt was normal, but during that time I really worked through a lot of issues so I don't regret that period of solitude at all.  Then, quite suddenly someone popped into my life and although I wasn't prepared to completely open up, I was definitely done with my period of hibernation.  Unfortunately, I focused way too much on the activities we enjoyed together, and ignored some major [...]