Regina's Blog
This is a blog about relationships, and it covers dating, marriage, parenting, modern family dynamics and divorce as seen from the very personal perspective of a divorced divorce lawyer.
What Are The Odds Of Finding A Soulmate?
Spoiler alert- I really don't like the term "soulmate," but not because I've given up on love or no longer believe in marriage. It's just that there is a lot of danger with using this term, because it has the great potential for either setting up unrealistic expectations or it can cause someone to stay in an unhealthy relationship, or feel hopeless and lost if their partner leaves or dies. First, let's talk about unrealistic expectations. We know that about 20% of the U.S. population will not marry, and that of the 80% that do about half will divorce. Of the 40% that remain married, we all know that some are just plain miserable or complacent, so in reality maybe just half feel like they are with their "soulmate." Essentially then, you have about a 20% chance of finding a great match for a life partner-- so what about the rest of us? It seems to me that the numbers plainly indicate that odds are more in your favor if you apply your energy and effort to developing a great network of friends than putting all your eggs in one basket. Second, when you convince yourself that someone is your "soulmate" I fear that you run the risk of ignoring red flags. You may make excuses for his/her bad behavior rather than try to address issues or see problems for what they really are, such as severe character flaws or true deal-breakers for you. If you think the person is "the one" you may stay in an unhealthy relationship simply because you think it is your destiny, when in fact we create our own fate. Finally, if things don't work out or your partner dies, you will be devastated if you are convinced there is no one else out there for you. A much healthier outlook is to see relationships as serving a purpose during a certain point in time, but knowing that few actually last a lifetime. Just as we continue to evolve, so do our needs and wants in our relationships, and as this happens sometimes we may find we no longer align with our partner. But luckily the world is full of people with different ideas, values and interests, and part of what makes life so interesting is getting to share our experiences and learn from others. So what if the odds are slim of finding a soulmate? As long [...]
7 Signs Your Spouse Isn’t Happy
Thanksgiving is next month, and as the holidays approach, you may find your spouse is a bit off. This is common, especially when someone is unhappy and therefore isn't feeling the holiday spirit. Here are 7 common signs that you need to have a talk about what is going on with your partner: 1. Easily Irritated- someone who is unhappy is not at ease, and therefore becomes easily set off by the slightest of things. If no matter what you do, that person is constantly set off by what you do, this is a clear sign that something is wrong. 2. Sleeps A Lot- depressed people have a tendency to sleep a lot, it is a way of shutting down and not dealing with the outside world. 3. Avoidance- if your partner keeps staying late at the office and tells you to do your own thing, that is a clear indication that s/he is pulling away from you, and perhaps others. Unhappy people tend to disengage from others, or at least situations that they believe are causing them discomfort. 4. Lost Sense of Humor- if you feel like your spouse has lost his/her sense of humor, don't dismiss that feeling. Pay close attention. Is that person at least smiling on a regular basis, and is it genuine? It is hard to fake being happy 24/7. 5. Lack of intimacy- there is no stronger way to connect with someone than by being intimate, so if your partner has lost interest in being together this is a clear sign that s/he is unhappy about something. 6. Lack of plans/gifts- It is hard to make plans for the future or buy gifts for others when you are upset about the current state of affairs. 7. Deterioration in Self Care- If someone has suddenly lost or gained a lot of weight (as in 12 lbs or more) this may be an indicator that the individual is not taking good care of him or herself. People that are depressed also have a tendency to self-medicate, including an increase in drug or alcohol intake to numb the pain. Ultimately, an unhappy partner may be unaware of his/her behaviors and lack enough insight to seek help or admit something is wrong. They may deny that they are depressed, or become belligerent and shift the blame to the others. Some become stuck in a negative loop, and what [...]
Money Matters on KPMT: Love and Money – Is a Prenup a Good Idea? w/ Regina DeMeo
Listen to the live show at KPMT
Good Morning America on ABC: ‘Fairy Godmother’ ‘Levels’ Financial Playing Field for Divorces
Regina DeMeo provides professional commentary on divorce financing options on Good Morning America.
Making it Last on MMCTV: Regina DeMeo’s interview with P. Kenny of Merrill Lynch re financial planning
Here we talk about common mistakes that young families make by often postponing savings and setting up a financial plan. Money talks are hard, but necessary. Couples don't often have the same views on money and investment strategies, but rather than avoid these discussions, they need to find someone that can help facilitate an honest conversation that will help them find common ground so they can address key financial issues.
Regina DeMeo’s interview on ABC’s Washington Business Tonight about Collaborative Divorce
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9iyI8Rsm6o
Making It Last on MMCTV
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pu991Bk92tk
What Happens In A Weekend Divorce Session?
Most people cannot easily take time off from work during the week, nor can they afford unlimited legal fees to get unhitched. So what if these couples could at least agree to try a flat-fee weekend mediation session? This is the question I want to answer, and there is only one way to find out. Starting next month, I am going to offer flat-fee weekend mediation sessions for couples seeking to reach an agreement on all issues arising from their marriage. If we can agree to cooperate with the exchange of vital information, such as the current value of all marital assets, each person's income and monthly expenses, as well as the child-related costs that need to be addressed, then it is possible in a structured setting to (1) identify the major legal issues, (2) generate various options, and (3) work towards a global solution that everyone can live with. Of course no one would be pressured to sign anything, and each party could go consult his/her own attorney afterwards to make sure the deal on the table is a fair one. Over the past decade, I have seen an increasing number of clients choose mediation or ADR (alternate dispute resolution) over litigation. It is not that people are necessarily less angry or scared about the divorce process, but rather that consumers have come to understand that time is money, and going to court is very expensive. So, for those that are cost-conscious and are looking for a more efficient way to resolve their marital differences, a flat-fee weekend divorce session could be the perfect solution. I am very excited to launch this new service, and if you know of anyone that might benefit from this option, please share! It will be interesting to see how many will choose to try this weekend divorce, which is only for MD and DC clients committed to being productive and keeping things confidential. By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq. www.reginademeo.com
9 Interesting Clues That Predict Your Marriage Won’t Last by Sarah Hosseini in Romper
Whether you're thinking about getting married, married already, or dreaming about it, you're bound to question your marriage or future coupling at some point. The questions may be specific or general, but either way the topic of marriage brings up all types of emotions, vulnerabilities, and curiosities. Many couples will be looking for signs that it will ultimately last, while others will be looking for red flags. There are conventional words of marriage wisdom that still make the rounds (relentlessly so), but there are also more subtle and interesting clues that predict your marriage won't last. I've been married for seven years now. My husband and I met in college and are now in the midst of raising young children. The transitions in those seven short years have been bananas. Our personal and professional schedules are chaotic. Life sometimes feels like a whirlwind. Read the Full Article in Romper
3 Key Costs to Consider in a Divorce
They say freedom is priceless, and yet when you are contemplating a divorce, there are some pretty significant costs to consider before calling it quits, unless you are economically on par with couples like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Here are the top 3 expenses you must budget for when contemplating a separation: 1. Family Support- Whether you have to pay any alimony or child support is an important factor to consider when looking to establish a realistic budget in separate households. These legal obligations can significantly impact your choice in housing, which is usually the biggest line item on a person's budget. 2. Housing- Are you on the mortgage or a joint lease with your spouse? If so, can you continue to contribute towards that obligation while also paying rent for yourself somewhere else? You cannot just assume that the other person will pay 100% of the mortgage or rent, and if that person chooses not to do so, you are not just putting your credit at risk, but also exposing yourself to litigation with a lender or landlord. 3. Attorney's Fees- The national average is about $250/hour for a family law attorney, but those rates can drastically vary depending on the lawyer's level of experience and your geographic location. There is also a wide range in court filing fees, and if you have to pursue a contested case you could be looking at a process that takes anywhere from 11-18 months with a price tag of about $20,000 per party based on national averages. There are obviously other costs that have nothing to do with money that we all need to consider, including our health and well-being, as well as the safety of our children. It is of no surprise to me that 6 out of the last 7 cases I took to trial recently were all about custody. None of these parents believed they should stay together, and their arguments were not over money, but rather the disputes were centered on the time each should have with the children and how major decisions affecting the children should be made. Hopefully, Brad and Angelina will work out their custody issues soon. Here's what I would say to all divorcing parents, not just them: When you do have kids together, try to focus on what is in their best interests. Let your love for them guide you in finding [...]