Regina's Blog
This is a blog about relationships, and it covers dating, marriage, parenting, modern family dynamics and divorce as seen from the very personal perspective of a divorced divorce lawyer.
6 Best Life Lessons Instilled In All Gymnasts
September 15th is National Gymnastics Day, and it will be an honor to speak at the local event hosted by Silver Stars Gymnastics in Maryland. Even though my days as an Elite National Gymnast are long behind me, there is not a day that goes by where I am not grateful for the lessons I learned early on in life as a result of being a gymnast. Here are the six best life skills gymnastics imparts on all those dedicated to the sport: 1. Healthy Habits- When daily exercise, eating balanced meals, and getting at least 8 hours of sleep is part of your normal routine early in life, these become life long habits that will help you later in life. Also the desire to seek balance, not just while on a balance beam, but in everything you do is a good instinct that can save you from unnecessary stress. 2. Work Ethic- We've all heard phrases like "no pain, no gain" or "practice makes perfect," but it is when you experience these things that this really sinks in. Only when you see your perseverance and dedication pay off do you truly start to believe that your hard work will be rewarded, and not just in some far off distant future. Physical changes can occur within weeks if you practice self-discipline. 3. Creativity- While listening to music, as you push your body and play with different types equipment, your mind starts to explore the endless possibilities. It's easy to think outside the box when anything seems possible, and this gift is highly rewarded. To dream without fear is a blessing. 4. Courage- You have to be willing to take risks to be any good-- like the saying goes, "no guts no glory." In order to be daring, you need to be brave-- and that includes accepting that not everyone around you will believe in you or understand what you are doing. We won't always succeed in our endeavors, but at least we are open to trying something new because in the end we know that if we fall we can get back up again. 5. Competition- It's a natural part of life, and the sooner you learn to cope with the pressure of competition, the better. Of course, it's all in how we choose to cope that can make or break us. Gymnasts are taught the importance of breathing when [...]
What Divorce Attorneys Tell Their Clients Will Totally Change The Way You Look At Love
There’s a very good chance that when you and your spouse decide it’s time to call your marriage quits, it’s because you don’t see eye to eye on a few things. That means you might not both agree on the best path forward. You may feel that mediation makes the most sense for your family’s situation, while your spouse may be leaning toward traditional divorce court, or litigation. If they are on the fence about joining you in mediation before heading to court, you still might be able to convince them to give it a shot. Read the Full Article in Elite Daily
Do You Need To Wait A Year To Officially Divorce?
In 2015, the Maryland laws changed to allow for couples with an agreement and no minor children to immediately file for a Mutual Consent Divorce. Now in October 2018, this will also be permitted for couples with minor children. There is a lot of work that goes into finalizing an agreement that address all issues arising from a marriage, including (1) child custody; (2) support; and (3) property division, and trying to negotiate all the terms while living under one roof is definitely not easy. But there is a great reward for taking on this difficult task upfront-- you spare yourself and your family the immense emotional toll and legal expense of a protracted contested case in court. Couples that are interested in preserving goodwill, privacy, and/or family wealth have always strived to reach out of court settlements quickly and quietly, but now there is an added incentive: as soon as you have a comprehensive deal done, you can immediately get divorced in the Maryland courts. For many of us that have been helping families navigate the legal system in Maryland for years, the one year waiting period was an unnecessary burden on couples that truly wanted and needed closure. Hopefully now more divorcing couples will look into mediation, Collaborative Divorce, or other alternatives that divorce professionals can offer to obtain an out-of-court settlement that will then qualify for the immediate filing of a Mutual Consent Divorce. By Regina A. DeMeo
20 Great Books Every Divorced Women Should Read
Divorce is hard, there are no two ways about it. Just because it is hard, that doesn’t mean you have to sit back and accept the pain. Here are 20 books that you could (and should) read to help you through this trying time. Read the Full Article in Elite Daily
Happy Cinco de Mayo!
Today, it seems everyone wants to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, but in addition to enjoying some great Mexican food with a fruity margarita or Corona, let me give you some food for thought: In 1848, when the U.S. took over half of Mexico's land, we signed The Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo where we agreed to allow the Mexicans that stayed in the USA full rights as citizens-- which meant that back then we considered them free people, who were white. It was not until 1930 that the census then included a separate category for "Mexican" and since the 1960's there has been more of an attempt to categorize race and ethnicity (which are 2 separate things). For example, I am 100% Hispanic, first generation born here, but what race do I identify with, and does the answer change depending on who I am with because of how they make me feel? Even though my son, with his blond hair and blue eyes, thinks I am "brown" most of my friends and colleagues think that I am white, and probably Italian because I changed my last name when I got married 20 years ago and kept the name after my divorce. But even before that change occurred, I was always considered racially ambiguous-- until people would hear me speak to my family in perfect Spanish. The questions of race, and racial fluidity, are questions I thought just 2 years ago were dying down, and yet today in this political climate with talks of building a wall and stepping up the deportation of immigrants, they are front and center on my mind. So I ask you as part of today's festivities to think about what is really going on today-- how can we celebrate another country's food, culture, and history without fully embracing its people as our political allies, welcomed friends, and most importantly equal human beings deserving of all the opportunities our own ancestors were given? Feliz Cinco de Mayo, and if you really want to help celebrate today then speak up if you hear any hypocritical rhetoric around you! By Regina A. DeMeo
Are You Dreading Valentine’s Day?
Don't you wish you could go back in time, like to the days we were in grade school and could all enjoy a zero-pressure Valentine's Day? Remember when your entire class had a party, you made heart-shaped decorations for your family, and everyone got the same amazing amount of candy? I still vividly remember these days, most likely because I got to vicariously re-live them for a bit through my own child, but otherwise, the last two decades (at least) I've had a love-hate relationship with this holiday-- on the one hand, I think it's great to have a day where you acknowledge those you love, but on the other hand having just gotten through the holidays, I am often at a loss for what to get a significant other (when there is one) or myself (when there isn't). If you are in a good and healthy relationship when this holiday rolls around, God bless you. Hopefully you can plan something nice together, without the need to succumb to the ridiculous holiday-surcharge at restaurants or flower shops. I always found a nice, quiet dinner at home on V-Day with some pretty tulips was far more enjoyable than stressing over impossible reservations, traffic, parking, and a bill that was never less than $120 (which is probably the equivalent of a week's groceries for some of us). If you are not in a good place with your partner, well of course you are going to want to avoid this holiday-- but even that is going to tell the other person where you are in your head, so really there isn't a nice way to avoid having an honest talk. Here are just 2 examples of huge V-Day fails by some of my past beaus: 1) I had a guy wait until 11pm on 2/14 to send me a "Happy VDay" text. My response was to sign up on some dating site the next day. 2) Another guy once told me on V-Day, "I didn't get you anything because you've been criticizing my spending so much." After that, I canceled a trip we'd be planning to take, and the biggest effort I put forth thereafter was to get him out of my life for good. So now we get to the option of being single on V-Day, and I'll admit that my feelings on this have varied greatly-- some years I've gone all out for [...]
Why Is January “Divorce Month”?
From mid-November until January 1st each year, most people focus on the holidays-- either embracing them completely while feeling like Chris Kringle or at the other extreme sympathizing tremendously with Ebenezer Scrooge or The Grinch prior to their last minute epiphanies. For those in troubled marriages, those five weeks at the end of the year can be quite torturous for a variety of reasons, including: (1) Have you ever tried to get someone a gift while they are on your shit list? Believe me, it is not easy. (2) Can you imagine what it is like trying to put on an act for others worthy of an Academy Award at the Oscars when you feel like you are dying inside? Few, if any, have ever actually managed to fool their friends and family when they are sharing meals and spending extended time together. (3) When everyone else around you is coming up with good-natured New Year's Resolutions, like focusing on their health or work-life balance more, can you try to picture how you would feel when the best resolution you can come up with is simply trying to avoid having World War III erupt in your own house? In the new year, as the disappointment from the holidays fails to fade away and you realize that "fake it 'til you make it" cannot be your marriage's motto again this year, you gradually become aware that there is something inside you that is starting to grow-- it is as if tiny seeds of resentment have now spouted and formed roots, while vines have sprouted and started to strangle your heart and take over your thoughts-- taking them both to a deep, dark place where anger and hatred now reign, and what you feel towards your spouse is at best just apathy and at worst complete disgust. Once you know you cannot fulfill your vows to love, honor, and cherish your partner as originally promised, it doesn't take a person very long to seek an exit strategy, especially with Valentine's Day looming right around the corner and the undeniable realization that you have nothing left to celebrate on that day. Hopefully this now helps you understand why January is known in my industry as "divorce month," simply based on undeniable patterns and stories we have gathered over the last few decades, but thankfully we have worked hard over the last several years [...]
Spouse Skeptical of Divorce Mediation? Here’s How to Get Them to the Table
There’s a very good chance that when you and your spouse decide it’s time to call your marriage quits, it’s because you don’t see eye to eye on a few things. That means you might not both agree on the best path forward. You may feel that mediation makes the most sense for your family’s situation, while your spouse may be leaning toward traditional divorce court, or litigation. If they are on the fence about joining you in mediation before heading to court, you still might be able to convince them to give it a shot. Read the Full Article in Custody X Change
Thank You, Heartbreak: Spotlighting Creatives #6
So much of our fear stems from or is perpetuated by the stories we hear and the stories we tell ourselves. Breakup stories are some of the worst and most damaging. Seldom do we hear of a breakup that makes us think, “Wow! If only heartbreak had motivated me in that direction, then, I would have let go sooner and feared less for myself.” The reality is, these stories are out there. You just have to ask for them. For this Q&A series, that is exactly what I did. Over the following weeks, various creatives will get honest with themselves and the Mogul community about how their breakups landed them on top. You’ll be hearing from women who attribute their professional success to heartbreak and credit their breakup for being the catalyst for personal transformation and professional reinvention. My hope is that these stories will encourage new thinking and even comfort you, that they will help you fear less and love greater. And perhaps most importantly, my hope is that they will help you breakupward and focus on all that is possible for yourself. A divorced mom, who transformed her family law practice in the DC Area after her own divorce in 2005, Regina DeMeo, 44, of N. Bethesda, MD has gone on to become a top matrimonial attorney in DC and MD, where she has been helping couples with custody and divorce issues for over 17 years. In 2010, the Washington Post wrote an article about her post-divorce transformation, paving the way for her to become a top legal commentator and media regular. Now focused on growing her family law practice while working on her column "Love & Money" for Wealth Strategies Journal, Regina opens up to us next about how she rose to new heights in the wake of her divorce. Read the Full Article in Mogul
Will You Join The #Me Too Movement Or Are You Going To Stay Quiet?
As stories have continued to emerge over the past two weeks shedding new light on the rampant experience women have with harassment and sexual assault, many of us have had to grapple with the issue of speaking up about painful episodes from our past or staying silent and quietly battling those ghosts that have now be resurrected by the media and haunt our daily thoughts. While neither choice is really appealing, if speaking out helps highlight the pervasive nature of this problem in our society and possibly allows more people to implement measures to curb future abuse, then you have to admit that is the better option versus being a complicit member of a society that has routinely turned a blind eye to degrading and indecent conduct exerted by those in a power position against those that are too young, naïve or vulnerable to defend themselves. Among my peers, we all have stories dating back to our high school days about incidents of being groped on a train, or flashed, cat-called, etc. But the stories we normally don't discuss are actually far worse-- I personally knew of one friend that was raped in high school, and another that was set up by her date to be viewed by others (without her knowledge or consent) while they shared an intimate moment. These incidents, however, were quietly swept under the rug at our posh boarding school, and the men were never prosecuted. My senior year there, I discovered that a young teaching fellow was dating a senior student-- technically I think that would have been statutory, but no one said a thing. The only real scandal that ever came to light was years later when it was discovered that one of our teachers (my advisor actually) had been collecting pornographic pictures of students, and I wondered then what would have happened if I had not turned down his offers to give me a ride home. In college, with all the weekly parties and easy access to alcohol, many more incidents occurred again with little or no consequences to those that either took advantage of a person's weakened state or spiked someone's drink to purposefully render that person incapacitated. Trying to escape this scene by venturing overseas for a junior year abroad proved useless, as all of the women in my group fought off advances and inappropriate remarks from foreigners that repeatedly assumed all American girls were sex-crazed and "easy." One of these idiots actually followed me home after a club one night in Madrid and grabbed my purse while I had my keys in my [...]