The holidays can always be a bit tricky with family, but this year might prove to be even more challenging than others as many of us struggle to come to terms with both the state of our economy and the political climate in this country. This of all years is definitely not the time to flaunt your success or debate politics when spending time with your loved ones. Here are some key tips to stay clear of drama during the holidays:

  1. Avoid Hot Topics– It may be difficult for you to understand why someone would vote a certain way or feel uncertain about the future, but right now it is probably best to rein in that curiosity while many work on processing their feelings and try to heal.  There is immense disappointment and fear among many at all socio-economic levels. Whether you think it’s rational or not is beside the point, each individual’s perception of what is in jeopardy is what shapes his/her version of reality.
  2. Set Boundaries– Every family has at least one person in the mix that is just a little oblivious, a bit insensitive, or maybe just a downright curmudgeon.  While you can’t control their behavior, you can certainly manage yourself.  Extricate yourself from a difficult conversation, and have a few clutch phrases ready to help shut down any uncomfortable moments, such as “I am not ready to discuss this now, but I will circle back to you when I am.”  It’s also okay to say, “I am really hurt/upset about this and can’t talk right now.”  My favorite is “This isn’t going to be a productive conversation right now, so we need to stop.”   If you rehearse these statements  beforehand, it should greatly decrease the chances of you saying something harsh in the heat of the moment.
  3. Self-care- Carve out some time for yourself, and don’t let anyone guilt trip you because you want some time alone.  There’s no need to apologize or feel badly about wanting some time to decompress by yourself, just know that it’s solely up to you to speak up when you need a break to go recharge your batteries.  Here are some great excuses to do just that: take a long walk or bike ride, do some yoga, play some tennis or a round of golf, or maybe just go into a separate room to read or take a nap.  The key is to specify what you are doing and how long you’ll be gone.
  4. Breathe– When you are upset, it’s important to regulate your breathing.  It only takes a few seconds to take some deep breaths in, deep breaths out and in those moments have a go-to mantra to remind yourself that everything is going to be okay.  Before you blurt anything out that you might later regret, ask yourself these 3 questions: 1) is it true? 2) is it necessary? 3) is it kind? Unless your statement can pass this three-prong test, keep your mouth shut.

Remember self-regulation is an on-going work in progress for all of us. It takes a lot of self-restraint to not get sucked into family drama, especially now with so many raw emotions as a result of this election. As best you can, however, try to stay focused on the positive and find your own peace and joy this holiday season.

By Regina A. DeMeo