Love does not conquer all, I’m sorry to say. Every single one of my divorce clients started out in love when they first said their vows. But staying in sync with your partner is not easy, especially over the years as you weather life’s storms that often include illness, financial loss, family drama, career setbacks, or quite simply a change of heart as to your priorities.
Marriage is about commitment– and it takes two individuals fully invested in making their partnership work, willing to compromise, to see things from the other person’s perspective, to continually show empathy and respect to one another, even in times of conflict.
I am often asked what I believe is the #1 reason people divorce, and for the past few years I’ve consistently provided the same answer: Narcissism. If one person is hell-bent on doing whatever s/he wishes, regardless of what the other person may think or feel, then there is no way that marriage will survive.
Tina Turner said it best with these lyrics:
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
What’s love but a second hand emotion
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?
There is only so much heart break that a person can withstand. When day in, day out your partner chooses to make work or others a priority, or resorts to alcohol, drugs, sex with others, porn, inappropriate emotional connections over your objections, or engages in financial infidelity, maybe even all of the above, you eventually have to find a way to walk away in order to survive.
As Tracy Schorn’s book “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life” suggests, you need to take back your power. Stop thinking you can change a person and control everything. The second you accept that the only thing you can control is your own behavior, you will start to tap into an inner strength that will blow you (and others) away.
Love will not conquer all, but your attitude can.
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.
