Dating is full of challenges, and even when things are going well there is an inevitable hurdle that most couples will inevitably face: merging households. There is only so much time that one can go with just having a toothbrush, a designated dresser, and a corner of someone’s closet. Eventually, the commuting between two homes becomes ridiculous and the cost of maintaining two homes stops making sense if you are planning a future together. So, once he “puts a ring on it” the real work– including the dismantling of the bachelor pad begins.
Despite the fact that most guys like to come across as self-sufficient, the fact is they will need help with this major undertaking. Purging is the first step– go through the closets and get rid of old clothes. Then as he goes through old documents, maybe you can help by shredding. Try not to be a task-master, and be understanding. This can be a very emotional process, but of course, guys will rarely admit that fact.
Some guys may procrastinate with the dismantling projects– don’t take this personally. It’s not that they don’t love you, it’s just that they are avoiding a very unpleasant task. Moves are stressful for most people, and giving up your own turf– a safe and comfortable place– to go to the unknown is not easy, even when you are in love.
Be gentle in your negotiations of what furniture and art should stay or go. Try to compromise if you can, remembering that this person is sacrificing his autonomy and independence– two things guys treasure– to be with you. The fact is no truly secure and happy bachelor is going to change his ways overnight because you demand it, but rather because it must be what he wants.
When a guy really falls for someone, he will move heaven and Earth to make things work, and dismantling the bachelor pad is just the first of many clear signs he is willing to do that for you.
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.
