We all get angry, but we do not all handle our feelings the same way. When we fight with our partners, we learn alot about each other. While definitely unpleasant, it is a necessary part of co-existing with another, who will not always share your views on everything. After an argument, it is normal to want a time-out to process things. Some need less time than others, but like in a relay race, you have to go at the pace of the slowest person on the team.
While both parties take a time out, it is incredibly helpful to replay the argument and identify what things hit certain trigger points. The point is not to get angry all over again, but rather to be able to isolate the exact words or actions that caused a negative reaction, and then to think through the reasons you had such a viceral reaction. This should later be shared with your partner– but not until you have found a way to hit reset.
For me, the key to hitting the reset button is actually remembering your love story. You need to remind yourself of the reasons you fell in love with that person, and then ask yourself whether that same person still exists. If that person has not pulled a bait and switch routine on you, then you truly need to ask yourself whether the fault exhibited negates all the good things you see in your partner. So long as you can see that the good continues to outweigh the bad, you should be able to find that reset button, and then you can hopefully have a candid discussion about the argument you experienced– not to rehash the same crap, but rather to learn from the mistakes made and hopefully avoid each other’s triggers in the future.
